I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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