I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
