Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
