Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
