K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This girl is more easily done than said...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
