...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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