Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
