There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
