kristin has been a bad kristin
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize