I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
