omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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