I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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