My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
tell me about the eggs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
