Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
