i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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