Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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