Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
