i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
