from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
