He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
