She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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