He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
