You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
