My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did i just pee glitter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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