The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
