Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
