Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
