I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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