I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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