I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
