I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
