I look better un-naked...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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