I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
