I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have fence marks all over my body
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
