Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
