2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
