The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
