Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
