fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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