The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
