Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Vodka?
Forever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
