I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
