You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
