i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
