omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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