I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
