Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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