the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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