I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
