Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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