I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
