i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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