why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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