I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
