tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
