Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
