She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
