Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
