Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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