i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
God, I missed his penis.
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