pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dicks are not precious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
