Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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