Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
