this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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