my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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