I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
