Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it hurts more in the daytime
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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