i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
