so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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