a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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