Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
