I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
