I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
