he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
