So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
