I wish I could teleport
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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