direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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