i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
