i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
