2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't shave. On purpose
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
