Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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