It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
