Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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