I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
