Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
