I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
